I Just Realized

So I just realized that I do this type of stereotyping that is so awful and I didn't even think about it before. It's a form of ageism I suppose. You know that according to the stereotypes it's common to start feeling pain or fatigue as you age, that doesn't have to be the case but it is assumed. It's also why doctors don't listen to older women and men complaining about pain. I realized I am also affected negatively by this assumption because I know that I have dismissed older people's concerns before as just a part of getting older I have also said to myself "at least you didn't feel that way when you were twenty." What a jerk thing for me to say or even think! At twenty or at fifty or even ninety you don't deserve this pain. It's not some right of passage and it's no less fair for me than it is for you and if I ever said that to you I apologize because I was wrong. 

Charm and Strange

Appropriate for so many reasons.  

I was thinking tonight about how pain changes a person. Most of the time we think of those changes as bad  and we don't really give much thought to the other bits. 

One thing that has changed for me is the depth and layers of everything. I don't think I was shallow before, just naive. People have so many angles I never even considered before. Now when I see a person my immediate impression still jumps to mind but so do a dozen others and I rarely accept the first. Nothing is what you think, no one is so simple, and everyone has a story, layer after layer. 

I've become adept at recognizing physical pain on other people. I watch for visual cues that someone has pain. I notice how you guard your core, how you fold your arms and your shoulders. When you realize your clenching your jaw and you make an effort to stop. When you gently reach out and squeeze a muscle you can longer ignore. I see you shy away from people, and flinch from a playful pat. I see the micro pause before a curb and after you open your car door to get in. I watch you debate the top shelf and the bottom. I make eye contact with you and hope you see my empathy, I hope you know you're not alone and that it helps you make it through your day.

When I read a book I can tell if that person has ever had physical pain, it's so obvious to me now that I wonder how I missed it before. I mark the passages that only a person who suffered could write. It's amazing, like waking up and knowing a new language without recalling the learning. People can tell you a lot without ever telling you a thing. 

I know it sounds strange but there are little bits of charm tucked away in pain. 

 

Upcoming Meeting Reminder: 6.2.15

It's that time again! Come join us this Tuesday June 2nd from 1-3 PM at the Kaseman Hospital (aspen/cottonwood rooms) just left of the ER Entrance for our monthly Fibromyalgia meeting.

This months meeting is going to be focused on How to get our Doctors to listen to us.
We will be talking about the Dr. perspective and why chronic illness scares the pants off them. We will talk about the way we present ourselves to our doctors and how we might avoid profiling. And we will talk about how to argue for the things we need and don't need.

I know a lot of us go into a doctors office with best intentions and high hopes only to leave feeling hopeless and angry. We give up on treatment options and stop believing anyone cares, and we don't have a clue what to do about that.

Maybe if we understand why we get treated this way we can start to shift the conversation with our doctors to work for us instead of against us.

We hope to see you all there!