It's funny how much people like their definitions, how once something has been said it is decided. I realize lately that I am having trouble defining myself and I don't really want to, I think it's because I am fickle and empathetic and will change my mind depending on which set of eyes I'm seeing things through.
Sometimes I feel this way when I get asked to explain what Fibromyalgia is like. It's so unpredictable and ever changing, yes there seems to be a general foundation or a pyramid of symptoms: widespread pain- fatigue- sleep disorders and everything else branches out from there. Everyday is different and also the same and how I explain it today won't reflect how it will be tomorrow. I've lived this reality so long that I've forgotten how hard that is to understand. When I explain it to someone if feels weirdly dishonest, not because I'm lying but because I couldn't possibly capture the whole truth and so it comes out as a stammer or overly generic and completely unlike the reality of it.
This biggest pitfall in this misunderstanding is the trap of expectations that you can or cannot. I'm not saying only people with Fibromyalgia experience this, but that it is a very common struggle for us. We end up limited because the people around us have experienced us unable to do a thing and we are forever more unable to do that thing. Or the opposite is true and they witnessed us capable and so we are always capable. That is not how Fibromyalgia works. We all wish for that kind of stability.
I understand what compels people to ask that question and I am grateful that they ask at all, but I'll admit that I never know how to answer it and it feels like I'm reducing us to an impossible definition when I do.