This month we had quite a few new faces. It is so good to see new people coming to group, I know that when most people finally do come to group they are usually In crisis. It's their first step towards accepting that they have this disease and that they need help. Often they are grieving, angry or hopeless. They are desperate to be heard and acknowledged and are looking proactively for ways to cope with chronic illness.
To those of you who have found the courage to join us; you should be very proud of yourself. It takes a ton of guts to accept you need help and ask for it.
To those of you faithful groupies; you are so very patient and important. We couldn't provide support without you. And even though I know that sometimes the only thing you walk away with from group is the feeling of having helped someone else through their day. Don't worry we didn't forget about you and your needs too. I promise we'll take turns. It's a good feeling though. Isn't it!
Often when I see so many new faces I make the decision to forgo a specific topic (This is especially easy when I've been too busy/sick to plan much) And choose to do stories and a Q and A instead. It's so important for us to feel like there are people out there who "get it" and when you are new you need to hear other people's stories, you need to be able to ask questions you might just get real answers to.
Fibromyalgia is tricky, it's a sneaky saboteur. You may not even see the damage until it's well and truly done. It's so incredibly important that those of us who know coping methods share them early and often. The quicker you come to terms with fibro the less wreckage you'll see in its wake. Doctors swear to do no harm but forget that accounts for neglect as well. You can't wish fibro away, or ignore it into oblivion. No, fibro is real and camping out on your lawn. Things will get complicated and messy. There just is no way to sugar coat that.
There is no rule book, fibro is like a fingerprint. It is unique to each of us. There will always be 100 different ways to do a thing. That doesn't mean we always have to start from scratch. Some things work, some things don't. Group is like a life hack for those of us with fibro. There are shortcuts. Tips and tricks only experienced fibro's know.
With fibro the main thing is you will feel. You will feel everything more. When you feel more (sensory) you feel more (emotionally). One of our goals is to learn how to cope with that, how not to let the sensory overloads overwhelm us or those around us.
The one thing all fibro's seem to have in common is that we are accommodators. We don't want to affect anyone negatively, we want everyone to be content. We perceive our own needs as un-accommodating and that makes it hard for us. I'm not sure if it's being accommodating that makes us susceptible to illness or if feeling so much makes us susceptible to empathy. We love it when others feel good, but can't seem to turn that around on ourselves if it means making someone else feel too much. We lack the selfish gene, but we need it to cope, and ironically being a little selfish when you need it makes things easier on everyone (Maybe i will come up with a list of examples for this). How's that for a kick when you're down!
So remember:
You matter
but not so much you'll break the world if you stop doing something.
be accommodating
sometimes.
Listen to your body
even when it's hard to hear over the screaming.
Try not to feel so guilty, you did not bring this on yourself and even though it's in our nature to want to know the why of it, try to let that go. You'll be chasing your tail for decades with that one. And ultimately it won't change anything you need to do.