Happy New Year!
I know for a lot of you it was a stressful season so for those of you who were not able to make our meeting this month here is what we discussed:
The good, the bad, and the family:
I think it's gonna be a long time before we find our rhythm with the holidays, there will always be things we wish we did or didn't do this season.
I did however notice a couple common threads...
Gift Giving: one of the more stressful questions for the holidays, giving fills us with a sense of belonging and satisfaction but it often comes with a huge price tag, pun absolutely intended. Most of us find our wallets tight these days, even those without medical bills and prescription drug costs, that's not even taking into account malls, stores, time and energy. So what is the right approach to gift giving?
For me and my husband we have settled on no gift giving, we neither buy, nor receive gifts, we usually opt to travel instead. While I know there are probably some disappointed kids in the family, maybe even a few adults too, I know there is no one who is in desperate need of anything I can buy them. I feel that spending time with family is a better gift anyhow.
I know that isn't a solution for everyone and that several of you can't travel or spend time with your families and would like to buy gifts still. I did hear that most of you find gift shopping exhausting and often disabling and have found some better solutions for that. Some of you buy gift cards, some of you shop online and ship directly, some of you send cards instead. those are all great ideas. I know that there is a concern that shopping this way seems less personal but for most of the people on your list, this is a perfectly good way to shop. There may be the one or two you buy specific gifts for. I think gift cards are the best, no one decides what I get but me, perfect.
Gift giving is always a personal decision but I will say that the first year we decided to stop gifting was a little difficult, I felt like I was letting people down, but I very quickly got over that feeling. The few times I had gone ahead and gifted, I felt mostly disappointed, by lack of gratitude or acknowledgement of any sort. Now when I give a gift it comes from a desire to give, not obligation to.
Food Prep: I know for a lot of you this is one of the more disappointing limitations. Almost all of us have trouble with food prep, either the time it takes, the standing, chopping or mixing, even the food sensitivities. I would recommend sticking to one dish or forgoing prep altogether, there will always be someone happy to compensate, and it really sucks to have to give that up but if food prep destroys you then how can you enjoy it anyway? Instead spend that energy enjoying your family time.
These are all things we've heard a million times, putting them into practice and learning to be ok with them, that's the hard part.
Family: with out a doubt the hardest part of navigating the holidays is family. Even with the most supportive family you will run into situations that are tricky. Learning when to excuse yourself, or to ask for some kind of adaptation (usually smells for me) or deciding when to not participate at all. It's all kinds of stressful and even if they're ok with all the changes you still have to be too, that's a lot to ask. No matter how smoothly a visit goes for me there will always be a tinge of regret or disappointment that I couldn't do everything.
One lesson I'm learning is how to moderate and space my travel, I don't like putting anyone out, so much so, that it is often me that gets put out. I need a neutral space without a lot of smells or sounds or lights and I need to learn to just accept that if I travel I must have certain things met in order to survive my trip. I also need some down time in between travel. I have a blackout time after travel where I am totally emotionally and physically introverted, I need alone time. Don't call, don't write, nothing.
Hopefully we are all finding our ways to cope with Fibromyalgia, it's a long road and every season will have its challenges but maybe we can find a little peace of mind along the way.
Happy new year and I'll see you all next month!
a couple of helpful links:
Educate your family to reduce stress during the holidays: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201111/reduce-holiday-stress-educating-others-about-your-health
What it's like to be chronically ill: http://thoughtcatalog.com/lauren-anne/2014/08/what-its-really-like-to-be-chronically-ill/